I’ve had the idea for this piece for a while – it was inspired by the Lofi-beats to study to girl, but walking outside in the snow. Originally I had headphones or earmuffs, but I went in a different direction. overall I like it, but I feel I could have done something different with the background. It looks better as a print, but I don’t know if it’s print worthy – at least not a full-size print.

I worked on this through my winter break, while I battled a severe cold, possibly RSV. Weeks later I’m still not recovered from it. This was done all digital with Clip Studio and a Wacom Tablet

I used to think that pain was the driver of art. When I was a teen, I thought my art was a product of suffering, but come to find out it was a RELEASE from suffering.

Fast forward, I am an adult nearing 50, and everything hurts. I am now realizing that the physical pain is a blocker to my creativity. I’ve got arthritis seeping into my joints, making just moving around a struggle. I sit down to create art and nothing comes out, at least nothing worth anything. And I know not every piece is a winner, but everything just seems like crap. Physical pain + clinical depression = no art.

So how does one break out of this? I tried to do a piece based on a friend of mine’s character, but the whole thing came out crappy and uninspired.

I mean, the dude is a skull and I couldn’t do anything imaginative with it. I posted it and it was met with a collective “Meh”. And I agree, it is “meh”. So that was a failed experiment. It was done with all digital and maybe that’s the issue? I’ve become addicted to it for sure, but I really haven’t mastered it. Most people seem to like the look, but I had a friend comment on the sterility of it and I have to agree.

Even sitting the way I used to causes pain. I wish I knew the secret to channeling pain into creativity, but the combination I have seems to have the end result that I don’t want to do anything. I think I just have to stop being hard on myself and when the creativity comes, it comes. After I did the Salem show this year it took me so long to recover that I didn’t do any shows for the rest of the year. I just signed up to one in April of next year, so assuming I get it, it will be the end of my rest period.

I guess inspiration will come when it comes. There’s no easy answer. “Existence is suffering” they say. “Life is pain” they say. I wish I could make some good art out of it, that’s all.